Retarded isn't Stupid, Mom!

"Retarded."  I hear some people calling it the 'R' word. Like it's a bad word.  That's giving one word far too much power. What does retarded really mean?  Kids use it all the time and it's variation "retard."  It certainly isn't the politically correct word today.  The new term today is "intellectually disabled."  So where am I going with all this you wonder? Well, let me tell you a story.

As a mom, teacher, and consultant, I often tell others how I defined 'retarded' to my son Pete, who has Down syndrome and his classmates when doing Disability Awareness Peer Presentations. Pete was in 6th grade and I knew that this was one word the he would begin hearing more and more, if he hadn't already.  So, as I was driving him to a friends house one day (and getting lost in the meantime), I asked Pete what 'retard' meant.  He said, "dumb, stupid."  I said, "Yeah, a lot of kids use it like that don't they?"  And I told him he was right that that is exactly what kids mean when they call someone a retard.  But, that was really a mean thing to say and hurtful. 

Then I asked him if he knew what 'mentally retarded' meant.  To which he said, "No."  So I explained that mentally retarded or mental retardation means it takes someone longer to learn things.  Retard actually means slow as in to retard the music, slow it down.  I asked him if sometimes it takes him longer to learn things than his friends at school.  He said, "Yeah, like riding my bike and reading"  Pete didn't learn to ride his bike independently, until he was nine and in sixth grade he was still reading at a 1st grade level.  So I said, Pete you have mental retardation, because it takes you longer to learn things.  He didn't say anything, just listened. Next I reminded him that we don't call people retard or retarded, because when kids use it like that, they are being hurtful. So he said, "Okay, mom." End of discussion I thought. I could tell my lecture of maybe 5 minutes had already gone on tooooo long.

Pete began asking me when we were going to get to his friends house and looking at the digital clock on the dash, complaining that we were late... So i did have to 'fess up" that I had gotten turned around.  We finally got to his friends house almost 30 minutes late.  Once Pete was out of the car, he leaned back in and said, "Mom, getting lost was really retarded." and then a big grin spread across his face.  With a mock look of anger, I told him to "get out of the car!"  And he did, giggling and laughing.  I read a book once that said it all, "Mentally Retarded Doesn't Mean Stupid, Mom!"

I think he got me message.  He didn't call me retarded, just what I did!