"You Want To Be in Marching Band?" (But you can't keep a beat?)

The night before my son, Pete's IEP (individual education plan) meeting, the end of his freshman year in high school, I remembered that I really wanted to be helping him advocate for himself.  So about 11pm I called him and said, "Pete, we forgot to make a list of what you want to talk about at your IEP meeting tomorrow.  Will you do that with me real quick?" 

"Sure mom."  So he came up with about 6 things he wanted to talk about. (I could only remember part of the list.)

1. He wanted to get rid of his paraprofessional (which we had been trying to do for years, but the school wasn't sure Pete was quite 'independent' enough.)
2. He wanted to be in marching band.
3. He needed his laptop fixed.
4. He wanted to take Newspaper and Photography classes.

I may have mentioned 2 or three things that I knew he was not happy with for him to add to his list, but the first three he came up with right away.  So, I wrote them down on a slip of paper (Pete could have, but at this point it was the list I wanted him to come up with not the practice of writing - and I was in a hurry, it was late.  I wanted to go to bed).  I gave the paper to him and told him to bring it to the meeting.

The next day as Pete walked into the meeting he pulled that piece of paper out of his pocket and said, "Okay, I'm ready.  When do I get to talk?" I'd forgotten all about his list and was amazed when he pulled it out of his pocket.  The power of motivation!

The Exceptional Education teacher, who was Pete's support facilitator (assisting his general education teachers to modify the curriculum to Pete's level), began the meeting explaining to Pete what the meeting was for; plans for next years classes.  Then it was Pete's turn. Taking out his list he said,  "Okay, I want to be in band." All eyes looked at me. 

Now a little background here.  I had been asking about, and most parents I spoke to said that the band director was strict and frankly mean to the kids, and demanded a ton of time.  So I had tried for a year to disuade Pete.  He has a tenor drum at home and really wanted to play drums in the band.  Pete could not keep a beat or read music.  Music was however one of his self-identified dreams and life goals, and he was determined.  Being in band would be attaining that dream. He had been in band in middle school, but I was really concerned that this band director would not inspire or build confidence in Pete, but rather the opposite.

All eyes upon me, I said, "Don't look at me, Pete's asking the question."  How's that for passing the buck?  So then everyone looked at the Exceptional Student Education (ESE) teacher who said,  "Well, I can ask".  Pete was thrilled.  I figured the pressure was off me now, and the band teacher would never let Pete in. Now you're thinking, this mom is no advocate for her son, right?  Well, it's a difficult decision for every parent to try to help their child find their strengths and direct them toward those, where we believe they have the most opportunity for success.  Isn't it? It's a judgement call.  I'd 'let' Pete try band in middle school because they were mostly beginners and he might not stick out so badly.  But marching band, I really thought was just way more than he would be able to handle.  Foolish me.

The ESE teacher gave me a call the next day, after telling Pete, that the band director said yes.  I was astounded and said so. And then relieved to find out this was a newly hired director.  The one I'd heard about was gone.  Pete of course was beside himself with excitement.

What did Pete teach me besides humble pie?  That he was growing up and it was time for me to begin to step back a little more.  And maybe, just maybe Pete was learning that he could reach for his dreams, even when others (me :( )disagreed.